CANCER SUCKS, and You Can Too!

This has just been the week for weird occurences.   My husbands migraine spike, my kids doing all kinds of weird things…  I swear there is a full moon or something.

And my crazy bald head itches!  If I haven’t said it before to you guys, cancer seriously sucks.

I miss having energy, I miss hair, I miss my waistline.  I miss things not making me puke, and I miss the clear mind that I used to procrastinate writing with.

All of this editing and brain strain just makes me nostalgic for when all of my body bits worked in unison.   I have found that the more I fight against the tide of chemicals, that the more irritable I get to my family.   It starts with holing up in the office, then slamming my laptop shut and sighing heavily when they come in, and ends with my dumping dinner in the garbage because no one was sitting and waiting when I got done trying to cook. Lol  (yes, that has happened)

So, I suck…. but in my defense, so does cancer.  Does that give me a pass this time?

I estimate that in another couple of weeks I will have this thing polished up and shiny.  I have started to research query letters and what agents look for in my non-writing time ( read: time the kids are sitting on top of my head watching cartoons and I can’t write) so I can be ready whenever I get to that point.

I have a good feeling about all this, despite my suckiness.  Something good is going to happen.  I just have to hang on long enough ( and stop throwing dinner in the trash) to let it happen.

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Awesome Books!

So I have been trying to slog through the rough draft of TOME, despite my children’s best efforts to slow me down, and my husbands migraines best efforts.

However, I have taken the time this week to stop, smell the half dead roses, and to read a couple of books that have been calling my name.

 

First off is Supernaturally by Kiersten White.

I really loved this book, it flowed right from the same vein as the first.  The characters were cohesive, the story was believable and went fast.  There were a few questions she posed that she never answered, but I can hope that will come in the next book.  Evie is such a cute doll of a character, fallible as we all are, but still quirky.  From following her author’s blog and twitter I can only assume that she is quite a bit like Kiersten if Kiersten were hunted by the Fae and a soul sucking teenage shut in.  All in all, a good, if light, read. 😀

 

Second is Shades of Gray by Jasper Fforde.

Somehow I have had this one sitting for a while, knowing that I needed the time to properly savor the book like a rare aged steak.  As always, Ffordes twisting and educated wordsmithery doesn’t disappoint.  At times I felt as if he worked so hard at making the sentences sufficiently twisty that they lost some of his meaning, but I fully admit that may have been a deficit in the readers brain, and not the authors. 😀  Its a cool story, and I won’t spoil it for you, but the premise is something original, as all of Ffordes works are.  Don’t start it if you don’t have time or a quiet place to fully let what he is trying to say sink in.  It’s not a read it on the metro book.

 

All right, enough procrastinating, back to MY OWN book. 😀

Roughly Inspired

I’m horrible at simple maths, so forgive me if this is a blatant lie from the start.  It’s possible I am totally wrong.

That being said, I did the math looking at word counts and average productivity rates (yes, I keep those) and it looks to me like I may have a finished expanded rough outline thingy by the end of this month, and an actual finished ROUGH (emphasize ROUGH) draft by the end of next.

I know so many writers and bloggers and advice twitterpates all say how you must write, and you must write MORE, Rawr!  Or you’re not a writer!  OR the world may come to an end and you are not serious and you will never get published and we will stomp on kittens with our big meanie boots and it will be all your fault for not writing MORE!

You couldn’t see it, but I just stuck my tongue out at those people.

See, I have been fighting cancer for 5 months now, and I am tired.  Also, bald.

My husband, God bless him, is tired also, and the kids are small balls of attention deficit.  Everyone wants more Mommy, and Mommy barely has the energy to complete sentences when she talks, much less infuse a whole made up world with wit and awesome.  So yeah, I write less.  And sometimes I get panicky, its a symptom, and I write nothing for days because I can’t deal with anything other than breathing in and out.

Personally I think breathing in and out is pretty cool at this point.  Actually, it IS the point.

Add to that I had an accident at Office Depot (see my blog from 2 weeks ago) and now have to have surgery on my ankle.  There is just not enough of me to go around.

SO if I want to get super excited thinking that in 2ish months I could have a whole rough draft to sit and ponder in all its probable horribleness, then that’s what I’m gonna do.  That, and eat cupcakes.

I have been watching authors that I remember reading their first novels the day they came out ( because I have read everything, I seem to wait on midweek every week for a new book).  So many of them are now NYT bestsellers, like Kiersten White.  I actually got an arc of Paranormalcy from a book blogging friend and I have watched it grow.  I don’t know her at all, but I feel like I kind of got to ride the wave of her excitement on into my own writing.  Sometimes I get too fragile to even get words on paper for weeks at a time, but watching others success only makes me excited to work harder, and I have been doing that alot lately.

Hopefully when it becomes my time to shine, it will light a path for the next person, too.

And it goes On and On and On..

SO the oldest child has been singing this stupid song for about a week.. something about “Like its DYNOMITE!” and then I was in the unfortunate position to be stuck with my bum leg on the couch when the remote was too far away to reach while the Disney channel was on.  It seems that the latest incarnation of miniature overly sexed loud mouthed tween that the big D is pimping out sings this song for a commercial.  However, as horribly grating on the ears as that song is it got me thinking.

My current WIP is middle grade, and something I often struggle with while writing it is making sure that the actions and solutions of my MC’s are something that an actual tween would not only do themselves, but want to read about.  Not necessarily the “what would you do if you were confronted by an evil king bent on hoarding the power of creation to himself” action/solution, but .. well, you know what I mean.

I am still ruminating on this, and it keeps going round in my head.  Or On, and ON, and OONNNNN ( like the horrible song says, make it stop please??)

I think I need to go observe some middle graders in their native element.  TO THE MALL!!!

It’s #amwriting’s birthday !!

I am new to the whole blog/twitter/social media thing.  I am a nerd from way back with social anxiety issues that probably extend even to the virtual social realm… I can’t know for sure because I write these things and then promptly go hide for a couple hours and breathe deeply.

However, I have found that the #amwriting hashtag on twitter to be a wonderful resource and a really awesome community.  I love getting excited over the milestones that perfect strangers are making on their own work, and it jazzes me up to work harder at my own.   Another twitterpate (name that reference and I’ll eat a cookie in your honor) announced today that #amwriting’s 2nd birthday was coming up and it simultaneously made me feel old for no particular reason, and made me excited all over again to participate in the varied and highly talented community of  scribblers that I have come to love and hashtag with.

Happy Birthday #amwriting!  If I could find matches I would light a candle for you.  (and probably set something on fire)

Jewelry = Good

Sadly,  this story does not begin with me receiving surprise  jewelry from my sweetie.

HOWEVER, it is so much better… to me, anyway.

So I have been sitting on Tome in various forms for a couple of years now, and every time I brought it out to work on it for more than a couple of weeks at a time, my anxiety disorder would rear its ugly head.  Crying, depressed, panic attack, angry anxiety.  The kind that makes you stress eat until you feel ill and are beginning to resemble mid 90’s Roseanne Barr.

For some reason, there were two things that were hanging me up from going forward.

1) How my two main characters were introduced to the antagonist.  This totally bothered me.  I refused to push ahead and go back and fix later.  It just seemed so pivotal to me, that like everything ( including housecleaning) if I could not make it conform to my perfectionist standard, I shoved it onto a pile and pretended it wasn’t there.

This problem, however, was solved by yesterdays’ nap at Best Buy.

2)The exact shape and design of a pendant that one MC was burned by as a child.  I wanted detail.  I sought artists interested in being paid in beer, I asked my designer husband who put his own spin on it, and finally on my 5,000th doodle, I stumbled across something that finally spoke to me.

*INSERT SINGING ANGEL CHOIRS HERE*

So those two pieces of information down, I scribbled out a new revised world map, and had a couple other small epiphanies.

 

All in all, not a bad day.  Just gotta keep the ball rolling.

Falling Asleep in Best Buy is Good for the Soul.

So it’s been a rough week.  Not quite a 10 on the Richter Scale, but I am reserving tens for when my mother comes to visit so they pack more of a punch.

However, despite the exhaustion, and the overwhelming bickering of children that are finally home, and the attack displays at big box stores, it seems that the week is going to end on a positive note.  ( and yes, I know that Sunday is technically the beginning of the week, but I am going to bend time-space to my purposes… bwa hahahah)

I really wanted for us all to go to church today for a plethora of reasons, the first of which being begging God not to confuse me with Job.  The second of which, our new church’s pastor’s daughter ( say that ten times fast) is in the same grade as my daughter and she really wants to be her friend and I think that would be good for her.

ANYWAY

So I got up with 30 minutes to get up, get EVERYONE dressed, and drive to church.  No small feat, especially when wearing a hinged knee brace and a lace up ankle brace while climbing 4 flights of stairs up and down to dress 3 kids and your own bald head.   I decided to let the hubby sleep, since he takes longer to primp and polish than the rest of us. I made it out with no time to spare, got to church and realized I had already spent my energy quota for the day.

I valiantly fought the sleepies, prayed for forgiveness, and called the hubby on the way home to get dressed so we could take the kids to Burger King to run off their energy for lunch.  After which I was in a hamburger induced stupor, but the hubby wanted to window shop Best Buy.  Normally on such a run, I would try to throw myself on the kid grenade and let him look around, but I could barely keep my feet, and he had suggested at one point I go sit. So I did.

I somehow ended up in the 3D TV viewing section with the worn chairs, snoring, drooling, with my phone ringing in my hand unheeded.   Evidently the hubby had been worried about me, and couldn’t find me and was overwhelmed with all 3 kids running amok and wanted to leave cause he hadn’t gotten to even look at one thing he wanted to anyway.  ( hmm, sounds familiar)  So we left, me wobbling from side to side, but trying to retain a dream in which my characters had taken a different path through the woods and ended up somewhere I had not anticipated.  And I liked it.

I got home, scribbled a note, and allowed myself to be tucked into bed with the baby and slept all day.  I awoke, ate, watched TV for about a half hour to let my thoughts coalesce, and made it up here and WROTE MY WAY THROUGH THE BIT THAT HAS BEEN EATING MY LUNCH FOR ALMOST 4 MONTHS!!!!  AND IT MAKES SENSE NOW!!!  BONUS!

So, from now on, when I have block, I am going to go nap in Best Buy.